Support Anxious Teens: 5 Words to Avoid and What to Say Instead

When your teen is overwhelmed, what you say matters more than you think. Whether they’re panicking before a test, avoiding social situations, or shutting down in everyday conversations, your words can either escalate or ease their anxiety. One of the best ways to support anxious teens is by learning what phrases to avoid—and what to say instead. In this article, you’ll discover five common statements that can unintentionally make things worse and simple language swaps that build trust and emotional safety.

Why the Right Language Helps Support Anxious Teens

An anxious teen is often in survival mode. Their brain and body are scanning for safety, which means even well-meaning words can feel invalidating if they’re not delivered with care. To truly support anxious teens, it’s crucial to use language that soothes rather than dismisses.

The goal isn’t to say the perfect thing—it’s to connect. When you use calm, validating, and supportive language, you help them regulate their nervous system and develop healthy coping strategies.

5 Words or Phrases to Avoid (And What to Say Instead)

❌ 1. “Relax.”

Why it doesn’t help: It oversimplifies their experience and implies they should “just get over it.”

✅ Say instead:

“This seems really hard right now. Want to try taking a few deep breaths with me?”

❌ 2. “It’s not a big deal.”

Why it doesn’t help: Even if it doesn’t seem big to you, it is to them. This phrase minimizes their experience.

✅ Say instead:

“It makes sense that you’re upset. Want to talk about it together?”

❌ 3. “You’re overreacting.”

Why it doesn’t help: This can feel shaming, leading teens to bottle up their feelings.

✅ Say instead:

“It sounds like this really got to you. I’m here and I want to understand.”

❌ 4. “Just be positive.”

Why it doesn’t help: Teens can’t rewire anxiety with positivity alone. They need tools and support.

✅ Say instead:

“Let’s figure out one small thing we can do together to feel a little better.”

❌ 5. “You’ll be fine.”

Why it doesn’t help: It might sound reassuring, but it skips over their real emotions.

✅ Say instead:

“No matter how this goes, I’ve got your back. We’ll face it together.”

How These Swaps Help Support Anxious Teens

When you consistently use validating, supportive language, you help your teen feel seen, heard, and safe. Over time, this builds emotional trust—one of the most powerful ways to support anxious teens.

Language that promotes calm doesn’t just lower anxiety in the moment—it also teaches teens how to self-regulate and ask for help in the future.

For even more helpful tips, check out this guide from Child Mind Institute on parenting strategies that support anxious teens.

You Don’t Have to Do This Alone

If your teen’s anxiety is impacting their daily life, professional support can make all the difference. Sometimes, the best way to support anxious teens is by connecting them with someone who can help them navigate what they’re feeling.

👉 Book a Free Consultation with one of our experienced therapists and start supporting your teen with confidence.